'Even baby showers feel uncomfortable' - the heartbreaking reality one mum needs others to know about baby loss

Mother Pukka star Anna Whitehouse speaks candidly about being unable to celebrate her pregnancy until her baby is safe in her arms, and what she wants others to know about baby loss.

Fertility issues and baby loss have a devastating impact on women and families. Known to many online as Mother Pukka, Anna Whitehouse uses her social media platform to speak openly about her own experience of miscarriage - she is currently pregnant for the eighth time, although this will be her third child as she sadly suffered losses when expanding her family.

Having recently become engaged to her new partner, Anna is also sharing positive messages about blended families and pregnancy over 40, alongside her tireless quest for women to have access to appropriate flexible working arrangements - the campaigning for which propelled her into the public eye. During a recent episode of her Dirty Mother Pukka podcast, Anna shares the difficulties in enjoying pregnancy after loss, and what she wants others to know about the heartbreaking strain of losing a baby.  

Speaking on the podcast, Anna shares that she's been unable to celebrate her pregnancy, and won't until she hears her baby cry for the first time. She says "Even a baby shower feels uncomfortable to me because I know what it is to lose a baby, and you can't prepare too much."

Speaking about this level of distance she's had to maintain, she speaks about what she'd like others to know about her feelings, saying "I don't think there's anything harder as a woman, when you're desperately searching in the darkness for a heartbeat in the silence at a scan and it's not there."

She adds that she wants others to acknowledge "That is my baby that I had a name for, that I had a nursery for, that my parents had got excited about. Pregnancy is not really a time of celebration until that baby has landed, and I know that only too painfully."

Anna recounts a compulsion to check her knickers constantly for blood, such is the ever present worry she could lose her baby. She urges anyone with any fears around their own possible baby loss to reach out to mothers who've experienced it, and do their best to avoid turning to Google.

She shares "That is what my sister's friend did. She reached out to me and said 'I know you've gone through this and I know this is triggering, but I've just had bleeding and I'm freaking out and I can't turn to the internet because I know where it'll take me.' I was able to anchor her with my experience."

Her overwhelming feeling is that her body, or her 'house' isn't safe and could do something she doesn't want it to, at any time - this requires an understanding of the "vice-like grip of anxiety and stress and worry, and 'am I going to be a good enough house' and will I ever be able to carry this baby" she carries with her constantly.

Mum-of-two Rachael shares a baby loss experience with Anna Whitehouse. She spoke to us about what she'd like others to know about speaking to women who've miscarried. She tells us "I understand it's really hard to know what to say to someone at this time. But I had several people say 'It'll be different next time,' and 'at least you know you can get pregnant.' 

I know it was well meaning, but I wasn't ready to just brush that baby under the carpet like it was a false start or preparation for the real event. I was devastated and wished people thought more carefully about the implications of their words."

We share early signs of pregnancy and how to keep cool during pregnancy. We also have advice on pregnancy exercises if you want to keep active.